Life is full of sounds.

Some are pleasant, such as a baby coo-ing, birds chirping, or your favorite song.

Some are unpleasant, such as a baby crying, people smacking/slurping, or nails on a chalkboard.

And then there’s the sounds that most people never “hear”. Sounds that are so mundane and so meaningless most people stop paying attention to them. Like the sound of drawers opening and closing as your significant other gets ready for work. The sound of teeth being brushed, the sound(s) of someone doing the dishes, the sound(s) of someone getting into their car, etc.

“People with misophonia are affected emotionally by common sounds — usually those made by others, and usually ones that other people don’t pay attention to. The examples above, as well as breathing, yawning, or chewing create a fight-or-flight response that triggers anger and a desire to escape.” (https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/misophonia-sounds-really-make-crazy-2017042111534)

I have misophonia, and I cannot stop hearing things.

Even as I type this, I am cringing at the sound of my fingers hitting the keys, so much so that I try to “think out” each sentence with 100% accuracy before actually typing it–so that I don’t have to hear the sound of the delete button and hear more keys being punched as I try to correctly convey my thoughts.

I do not believe that I have always had misophonia. As a kid I could tune out the entire world around me and get lost in a book, or in my own thoughts. Now, I seem to never be able to read a book because I am too distracted by noise. I believe the misophonia started a few years ago, but it was on such a small scale, I barely noticed it. Now, it has escalated ten-fold and affects my daily life.

The sound of my dog licking the couch, lapping up water, and his quiet whine for attention drive me absolutely bonkers. If I have to use the microwave I stay near it so I can stop it 1 or 2 seconds before the beep. Certain sounds have gotten so out of hand, I do everything in my power to avoid the sound completely. I will stay at the gym later than originally anticipated, or stay in the shower longer just so I don’t have to hear my husband eat cereal. I avoid action movies/shows altogether because they are too loud. I cannot text while someone is speaking to me, or while I am verbally responding. I have to completely leave the living room if my husband is watching TV and I am trying to work on my laptop. And God help my husband if he is watching TV and a commercial comes on & it’s “too loud”–because if looks could kill he would have died 100 times over every time he didn’t get to the remote fast enough. [Side note, whoever thought it would be effective advertising to ensure commercials were 3-4 times the original volume of the TV show has a special place in hell.]

I work in a very loud and highly stimulating environment and as a result, every day when I get in my car I drive the 45 minute commute home in complete silence. When I am the opening manager I have to endure the sound of the change as I count every penny, but that’s not as bad as the sound of my gates opening for business. And then there’s the customers. The best and worst part of my job. The best for obvious reasons (without them I wouldn’t have a job) but the worst because PEOPLE MAKE SO MUCH NOISE. I use to joke, “every time a child cries an egg (of mine) dies” because the sound of a child crying makes my skin crawl. Then there’s the sound of the shipment guy scanning every box. Beep, beep, beep. And then the beeping of my back door when it’s been left open for too long. And the sound of the registers–the beep with each product scanned, the sounds of the paper bag as product is placed in it, the ripping of the receipt paper from the printer, and the worst offender– the volume of the cashier next to you. WHY DOES SHE HAVE TO SPEAK SO LOUDLY?!?! DOES SHE NOT KNOW HOW LOUD SHE IS?!

People at work think that something is wrong when I am quiet & barely speaking, but the truth is, I am being quiet because everyone else is so loud and if I open my mouth I will just add more unnecessary noise to the situation.

 

The tipping point for me with this whole misophonia thing happened last night. My husband and I were at a pool hall and it was my first time to ever play pool. We got there early so we would have less smoke to inhale and figured it would be less crowded. Everything was fine and we were having a great time, until we started our 5th game. All of a sudden there were so many people. So many conversations–and I couldn’t stop myself from hearing all of them. It was my turn to shoot and I had a really difficult shot to make. My husband was talking me through it and all of a sudden tears welled up in my eyes and I had to excuse myself. I was so frustrated! I couldn’t concentrate and I knew I was going to blow the shot because I couldn’t stop hearing EVERYTHING. Why did I have to be so sensitive to sounds? Who is this misophonia witch and why does she get to try to ruin a perfectly good (and RARE) date night? I pulled it together in the bathroom and came out and nailed the shot–take that Ms Miso!

Oddly enough, the only thing I have found to help with this rage of sounds, is music. But it HAS to be music I want to hear–otherwise it’s just more noise making my ears bleed. I wear headphones at the gym to quiet the sounds of other people–the clanging of the cable machines, the TVs in the background, the various noises people make when working out (do people REALLY need to breathe???). When I am doing office-y things at my desk at work I have to wear headphones and play music so I don’t get distracted by the noise of other people/ the noise of my work environment.

I know avoiding specific situations and wearing headphones when I can is not a permanent solution–but it’s the only solution I have right now. I have no idea how to wrap up this post, other than to ask for feedback. Do you have sensitivity to every day sounds? If so, how do you cope and deal in such a loud world?